My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
