Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
