So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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