Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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