I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
