So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
