I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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