I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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