she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
