the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
