I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
