I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
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You can't just leave with hair like that
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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