My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
