6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
