if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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