laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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