I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
then he tried to convert me to islam
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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