his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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