i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
