I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Couch. On fire.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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