Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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