This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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