Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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