I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
