You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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