What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize