Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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