I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He felt like a one man threesome
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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