he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
