I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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