My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I came so hard my ears popped.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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