maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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