my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im having a threesome with these popsicles
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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