I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
