Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He did a backflip because drugs
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