I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
