do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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