does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
