all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
