Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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