I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
