Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
