i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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