tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
