I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
