I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I smell stomach acid.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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