I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
