did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing