so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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