fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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