Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
