a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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