I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
