It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
