yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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