Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is Oprah even human
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
