I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
