New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
