Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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