You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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