Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
