Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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