I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
