glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
as a side note pls kill me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
