I have demons in me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
