I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
