What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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