Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
