Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
