ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I touched a dick in church today
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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