Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
