new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize