I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
