woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
