was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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