when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize