i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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