Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
