I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We need to rekindle our bromance
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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