i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
