i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
